Forgive Me

I am not perfect –

in fact, far from it.

Nor am I at all strict –

too delicate for it.

Yet, not enough to enter heaven’s doors,

nor worthy enough to walk on your humble floors.

Will you forgive me,

for everything I can admit to now, freely?

I was a ball of fire,

walking in a blaze to where you sat,

so still, so quiet;

too afraid to tell you what I meant to say.

I felt the world would end

if I opened my mouth and made you look my way;

I had become too used to being invisible;

unheard and unseen among that crowd you call wild.

I was unknown;

with no one to judge,

no one to hurt,

no one to break me;

I was alone.

Find it in yourself to bestow your mercy on me,

for being naive on spoken words –

too shy, 

for breaking down outright in front of a lie. 

I was the sheltered one –

caged but protected;

from you,

from them,

even from my own Sun.

Years I spent locked behind these bars,

laying everything down before me,

letter by letter, star by star,

searching for my own reflection on rugged walls.

But my gaze went past it to you,

the moment I realized –

I found you –

I found an escape. 

Forgive me for finding myself second,

and you first;

I needed your approval –

you know that;

you saw that.

I was pushed out into the open;

I was naked,

I was exposed,

too lost to return –

until I broke through and saw;

my delicateness was my light,

to care for someone so scarred,

to look for someone so lost.

It was then that I found myself;

through me,

through my eyes,

through my days of living.

Let me tell you –

I forgive you for taking me to your door,

and leaving me without walls,

there, on your doorstep.

I know there was someone else –

her shadow glared at me through your bare windows;

so proud and high,

always was there,

these past days and nights.

But hear my last words –

forgive me one more time,

for not staying until the end,

to say goodbye.

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